Surviving Church Hurt

Growing up as a pastor’s kid, I encountered some of the best and worst of the American church. I even felt somewhat alienated from the church for some time in my late teens. My dad was treated horribly by several church members, and the church leadership didn’t handle the situation very well. 

People have left the church over less brutal circumstances, but my three siblings and I all pursued vocations in church or parachurch ministry. What caused all of us to want to support and advance the church after what we went through? As I pondered this, several reasons came to mind.

Drawing of the Spirit
When the church is flourishing as God intended, believers, and often non-believers, are drawn to her. Just as the Old Testament temple was physically beautiful, the bride of Christ is spiritually beautiful because she is “a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit” (Eph. 2:21-22 NIV). Those who have experienced a taste of the Holy Spirit’s presence in the church are often inspired to work for her growth and advancement. 

As a young teenager, I remember a particularly sweet taste at one church where my dad was pastoring. A spirit of love, gentleness, unity, and openness to the Holy Spirit was present. Some Pentecostals joined who were disillusioned with their denomination and sensed the Holy Spirit at work in our midst. Several young adults with wild pasts were coming to Christ, including one who formerly had “The Blade” as a nickname, due to his violent past. There was great anticipation about what God was doing and what might happen next.

Recognizing Our Real Enemy
Would it surprise you if the church I just described was the same one I also mentioned in the introduction? If you are at all familiar with church, you won’t be surprised. You know that churches go through different seasons, and sometimes—precisely because a church is flourishing—it becomes a target for spiritual attack. This understanding helped my siblings and me navigate that tumultuous time. Rather than blaming the humans involved, we recognized that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood” (Eph. 6:12), and we deployed our spiritual weapons to fight.

Keeping Jesus Central
One of the biggest reasons I believe my siblings and I survived the church hurt we experienced was because we had been discipled into personal relationships with Jesus, primarily through devotional Bible reading and prayer times. One purpose of the church is for its members to learn and grow closer to the Lord. 
I was convicted recently while reading the Psalms. David writes about wanting to spend all his days in the temple where he can “gaze on the beauty of the Lord” (Ps. 27:4). I confess that there are many social and emotional benefits of church that can steer my focus away from Jesus. Church hurt can be a time of testing to see if one’s heart is truly grounded in the Lord or, rather, tied to the benefits of a church community. 

Final Thoughts
Later in life, I spent two years as part of a simple home fellowship with a few other families, living in a remote location overseas. Our fellowship and prayer times usually centered around discussion of what God was doing and prayer for those who were close to the Kingdom. I lived with expectancy, anticipating God to move in people’s hearts and draw them to Himself. 

If the church hasn’t appeared very attractive to you recently, try taking the initiative to ask your fellow congregants what God is doing, what He is teaching them, or how you can pray for them. You might be surprised to hear how God is dwelling among us—His people—working in our lives, sanctifying us, and preparing us for the good works that He has for us.

Despite her brokenness and failures, Jesus loves the Church. He founded her, sacrificed Himself for her, and is shepherding her. When she is operating as she should, with each member contemplating Him and being transformed into His image (2 Cor. 3:18), she is glorious!