Throughout 2024, the feature articles are devoted to hearing stories of God’s redemption within our Rosedale Network churches. We pray these stories fuel your love for the Lord and lead you to greater service in His Church.
~Kelsey Jurkovich, Publication & Literature Committee
Redeeming Love
There was a time in my life when I wished to find a place where I could go—a place where no one could find me. I didn’t want to hurt anymore or hurt anyone, but I just wanted to be done. I would think about finding a “nice” way to be gone. However, I knew I could never do to others what my dad had done to us in ending his own life early. Praise Jesus that this was not the end of my story.
My story started in a conservative Mennonite family. My dad struggled with mental illness. Alongside my dad’s struggle with mental health came floods of anger, emotional abuse, and physical abuse. I have many memories as a young child deeply longing for peace and a refuge, away from all of the confusion and pain. My dad’s anger prompted me repeatedly to believe that I was shameful, ugly, and guilty. I wasn’t good enough to live a joyful life like the people around me.
Amid this childhood of pain, I was able to connect with other believers in our church. I knew the pastors and their wives cared deeply for our family and for me personally. Countless times, it was their encouragement that carried us through the dark times. Along with that, it was my mother’s tenacious faith in a loving God that led me to Him. She loved Jesus more than anything and anyone. She was also experiencing pain, yet she taught me about Jesus and showed me unconditional love. I wanted this kind of peace, so I began believing in God. I wanted to follow His way.
Jesus knew exactly what my heart needed to hear.
As we all know, belief in God does not take all pain away. I struggled intensely to fight fear, shame, and guilt. One day, I was in a session with a Christian counselor and the conviction came so strong. I was building my identity on lies that my earthly father had said to me and about myself. When asked what my Heavenly Father said about me, I had no clue what to say. I knew in my head that He loved me, but what was He saying about me?
As I left the counselor’s office overcome with tears, I cried out and asked Jesus what He thought of me. Healing seeped into the deepest part of my heart as I sensed Him say to me, “I want you in my Kingdom; you are wanted.” All my life, I had felt rejection. Jesus knew exactly what my heart needed to hear.
The intensity of my struggles has gotten a lot less intense as I continue to follow Jesus and believe in what He says about me. He reminds me that I belong to Him and that He wants me! My heart rejoices in the goodness of His salvation. Not only does He save us, but He claims us!
Fast forward to this season of life and I realize now, more than ever, that who we think God is and who we are to Him is what makes all the difference in how we handle life situations. I feel so privileged to walk with Jesus every day and ask Him to show me how to handle each conflict or trial I go through.
Leviticus 26:13 and Matthew 11:29-30 sum it up well:
I am the Lord your God who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high (NIV).
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
One Response
“…….I realize now, more than ever, that who we think God is and who we are to Him is what makes all the difference……” I connect with this so much, thank you for sharing your story!