March 2020! We found ourselves in the midst of a global pandemic caused by a virus named COVID-19. I have seen what it is capable of…I call it a “Beast!” We have dealt with contagious airborne diseases before, but never, in my 38-year career as a registered nurse, have I experienced this kind of an invasion. Radical adjustments had to be made in the public arena as well as the hospital. We were in for a roller coaster ride…
Nurses soon discovered that, in these “COVID times,” practices that were formerly unacceptable were now required. This shift was caused primarily by the initial lack of “PPE,” or Personal Protective Equipment. We understood we had to be flexible as we had never navigated through a pandemic. We were committed to caring for patients, but where was our protection? The hospital provided scrubs, eye shields, gloves, and shoe/hair coverings but had very few N95 masks, with little chance of purchasing more. Most nurses bought their own N95 or P100, if they could find them. Isolation gowns were scarce. There were thoughts of donning a garbage bag for an isolation gown. The hospital was diligently trying to secure PPE, as was every other hospital, and bidding wars ensued. A shipment of N95’s finally arrived the second week. We were told it was likely the only one we would get, so make it last. As more came in, we were asked to use them for seven consecutive shifts. The hospital used an IRIS UV light to sanitize them between shifts.
Over the next few weeks PPE guidelines changed frequently. Nurses felt at risk. Ordinarily, an isolation gown is worn once, taken off, and disposed of before leaving the room. Now, one nurse was to wear the same gown in the same room for the whole shift. Protocol then changed to wearing gowns in multiple rooms. This increased the possibility of contaminating non-COVID patients whose test results were still pending. As gowns became scarcer, we were told to share them with other staff. By this time, contaminated gowns hung in the hallways and on doorknobs, and in my mind, flapping COVID in the breeze. This goes against basic isolation procedure, but, after all, this is a pandemic.
Patient testing turnaround time was crippling us. At first, the state of Michigan had only 400 tests. It took 1-2 weeks to get results. If the result was negative, this was great for the patient. But in the meantime, much precious PPE had been wasted caring for a ‘possible’ COVID patient. Staff became ill and could not be tested as the tests were reserved for only the very sick. We simply needed more tests with quicker results.
The stress was both physical as well as emotional. We were constantly putting on and removing PPE—hat, masks, face shields, gowns, gloves, and shoe covers. The masks not only made it difficult to communicate, but also made our faces raw. To limit exposure, no family or visitors were allowed. Patients were alone in a room and the door had to be closed. Nurses provided total care, becoming an aide, lab tech, and housekeeper. When a high number of respiratory therapists were out sick, nurses were asked to give respiratory treatments. We were afraid of taking the “Beast” home to our families. We kept our badges and cell phones in zip-lock bags. Some nurses chose to rent rooms or campers, distancing from family.
The ICU took on a new look. Oxygenation for the patient was a major issue. Patients succumbed to needing ventilators at an alarming rate and required dangerously high pressure volumes. Roto beds were rented so patients could be rotated to a ‘prone’ position (body and face facing downward) further aiding in oxygenation. When no more roto beds were available, patients were proned manually. Manually proning is not an easy task and would sometimes take 4-5 nurses. Some hospitals had ‘proning teams’. Most patients in the ICU were vented, sedated, and paralyzed. Approximately 20 feet of IV tubing ran connecting the patient to an IV pump which was outside the room. This enabled adjustments of medications without entering the room and wasting PPE. Most patients placed on ventilators spent 2-3 weeks in the ICU. Recovery from COVID-19 was usually a precarious and slow process.
We began losing our own, co-workers whom we knew and respected.
Some hospital floors were closed due to shutdown of elective procedures and nurses from there relocated to where they were needed, taking many out of their comfort zone. A crash course was given in the care of vented patients, life-sustaining IV drips, and central lines. Nurses, however, rose to the occasion, working side-by-side, supporting and encouraging one another to make it through the day. Despite everything we did, patients still died. Families said goodbye from a distance, using electronic devices, nurses sometimes using their own cell phones. We are used to giving emotional support, but this was extreme.
We began losing our own, co-workers whom we knew and respected. The first was an ICU nurse; he was 52. Our hearts were broken. We needed to stop and grieve. But there was no time. COVID-19 was still on the march. We had an emergency room full of patients waiting for beds and needing a nurse to care for them. A week later we lost a supply worker; he was 56. Another emotional week went by and an ICU nurse lost her husband. We had had enough!
Grief and exhaustion quickly turned to anger, anger at the “Beast” itself. We felt anger at people questioning the validity of the reported numbers, some saying ‘This is just the flu!’ We felt anger at people protesting about their rights being violated and the politics involved. For me personally, I felt anger toward the response of some Christians. Many were name-calling, buying into political rhetoric that sought mostly to place blame on the other side of the political aisle. Then there were wild conspiracy theories. I was saddened that the Christian “culture” was acting and talking very much like the world. Shouldn’t a Christian’s response be different…? My emotions are still raw and quick to surface.
At our peak, we had all of the hospital’s 40 ventilators in use, plus an extra 11 rented. The last rented vent arrived on the day the patient needed it. We had four floors and an ICU made into ‘COVID’ units, estimating 100 COVID positive patients at one time. As the weeks went by, 1800 staff were fitted for N95 masks. A plastics factory in Michigan made isolation gowns for us. We received 960 face shields from a converted Ford vehicle factory, and another 150 from our nurses’ union. Hand sanitizer came from a distillery. Medications ran low, but we never ran out. We are now in a Remdesivir trial. Doctors are learning how to better treat this virus, and patients are experiencing more favorable outcomes. COVID is not going away; there is much more we must learn.
This has been an unprecedented time in healthcare and our nation. New York City and Detroit were a nightmare, needing refrigerated trucks for the deceased. We were in crisis, but patient numbers stopped short of pushing us over the edge. In ten weeks, as of May 29th, we have discharged 874 patients home, and managed 58 off the ventilator to breathe on their own. We have had over 300 staff ill at one time or another.
This pandemic has brought out the good, the bad, and some ugly in all of us. We have been tested at many levels, whether it be in health care, financial struggles, cancelled plans, or just being stuck at home. As Christians, may we show the love, hope and peace of Christ to a world that is hurting. May we always exhibit joy and let the world see a difference in us.
9 Responses
Good article!
Thank you, Sharon, for showing, not only telling, with your words the reality of being in the midst of the trauma and total care of many who became victims of the “Beast.” And thank you, too, for unmasking the emotions of fear, anger, and frustration that came along side the daily challenges of providing compassionate care to the ill.
I believe your story should help the rest of us to be more mindful of others and to ourselves to faithfully practice the safety procedures as recommended by the science and health professionals.
thank you for sharing your story Sharon. people need to hear the real truth from someone on the inside.
I’m sorry for all the stress, frustration, grief and exhaustion you had to endure.
thank you for your commitment and resilience!
Sharon, I am so grateful that you took the time out of your hectic lifestyle to write this story. Knowing you were in the midst of the fight against “the beast” fills me with deep respect for you and your coworkers. Thank you.
Sharon, thanks so much for telling your story! I was touched when Roger told me in a phone call that you said for the first time in your life you were afraid to go to work. But you went! You faced your fears. You served with love and compassion. You saved people’s lives. We are all greatly indebted to you and other “front line” workers.
Sharon,
Thank you for giving us insight into your world the last several months…and thank you for serving the sick so courageously and faithfully. May God bless you and Roger and give you peace and rest in the season to come.
Grace and peace.
Sharon, I am a RN as well and yes I agree with you, Covid is real. My heart goes out to you and your hospital as you had many more cases at one time than we did. We have had staff members with Covid and an employee lost her husband as a result of Covid. May God grant you His peace and comfort as you continue being Jesus hands and feet to those you interact with.
Joyce, what part of the country are you in? Detroit is about an hour south of us and one of the 900 bed hospitals had 800 Covid patients at their height! We were afraid we were going to be overrun and the stories that we heard coming from the hospitals in Detroit were frightening. I do want to be His hands and feet, but sometimes feel like I fail miserably. My daughter and another lady from our church is our patient service rep. They help keep me grounded. May God bless you.
Chambersburg, PA.