This year, RBC is running a series of articles in the Beacon examining books that might be especially helpful to the life of the Church. We hope you will benefit from these book descriptions and suggestions.
The Gift of Empathy: Helping Others Feel Valued, Cared For, and Understood
by Joel P. Bretscher and Kenneth C. Haugk
Finding ways to respond more effectively to the hurts and losses of others has long been important to me. Recently, my home church, Plainview Mennonite Church, implemented the Stephen Ministry program. It is through this well-developed program of walking alongside people in difficult times that I came across The Gift of Empathy.
This practical book filled with stories and illustrations is written to spur on believers who desire to become more empathetic.
Empathy is the ability to emotionally understand what others feel, to see things from their point of view, and to imagine oneself in their place. Empathy is different from sympathy. Sympathy is a feeling of sincere concern for someone who is experiencing something difficult or painful. Empathy goes beyond the feeling of concern and involves actively sharing in the emotional experience of the other person.
Practicing empathy for any reason allows us to reach into the souls of others.
The authors begin the book by breaking down the components of empathy and how each part works. Experiencing and expressing are the two sides of the coin of empathy. To be empathetic is to experience another’s feelings. The goal is to put yourself into the other person’s frame of reference as best as you can. It’s working to understand what others are going through; it’s allowing yourself to feel what others are feeling.
The second part of empathy is expression. Once you have experienced another person’s feelings you then express your understanding of those feelings back to the person. This allows the person to know that you have connected with them and the situation they find themselves in. Despite our best efforts, it is impossible to understand another’s situation fully. That’s why I think it’s best not to use the phrase, “I understand what you are going through,” because we can’t!
By combining experience and expression, we are more able to become truly empathetic to others.
In their thorough and carefully compiled research, the authors share guidelines for showing empathy to children, parents, friends, and coworkers.
The benefits of empathy include deeper connections with others, improved effectiveness in teaching, guiding, and mentoring, as well as aid in resolving misunderstandings and finding healing for old wounds.
Empathy is also very beneficial in times of great joy and success. It becomes a beautiful and powerful connector. Indeed, the scriptures encourage us to “rejoice with those who rejoice” (Rom. 12:15a NIV)!
Practicing empathy for any reason allows us to reach into the souls of others. Empathy is a learned skill. All of us have room for improvement and will most likely grow as we implement the principles of this book.
The Gift of Empathy is an easy read and will be one I refer back to again and again. The thoroughness with which the subject matter is addressed and carefully laid out makes this a practical tool for the broader Church.
